Back to Work!

Ahhhhh....it is so nice to be back in New York. Indiana is fine, but come on. I am a city girl!

My shows this week are looking like this:

Thursday 10/1: 8pm MY NEW SHOW! "Bake Sale" co-produced by the dark and mysterious B.J. Thorne. This show is going to be super fun because it's packed with my super talented friends! This week we'll have... Hailey Boyle- Hysterical Comedian, animal lover, and my BFF. From the New York Comedy Festival and Sirius radio. Bill Chambers- World's Greatest Grandson and DIY cartoonist. He'll be giving away copies of his zine!!! Ted Greenberg- Emmy Award winning writer for David Letterman. His one man show "The Complete Performer" is getting awesome reviews and selling out on a weekly basis. He's just taking some time out of his "Being awesome" schedule to do a spot on my show!!!

The show is at coco66 http://www.coco66.com/. Take the G train to Greenpoint Ave

The show is FREE and we're giving out FREE COOKIES from the yummy bakery Cookie Road.

Point is...You don't want to miss this shiz!

Friday 10/2- 8pm I will be MCing at Joe Franklin's Comedy club on 8th Ave at 45th St. FREE ADMISSION ($10 food/drink minimum)

Friday 10/2- 10pm I will runn across the street and MC the show at The Playwright's Tavern (3rd Floor) FREE ADMISSION (2 drink minimum)

Saturday 10/3- 10pm I will be MCing again at The Playwright's Tavern. 8th Ave btwn 45th and 46th St. FREE ADMISSION (2 drink minimum)

OTHER INTERESTING TID BITS:
I'm going to check out the open mic at the Waltz Astoria tonight at 8pm. Mostly I'll be telling stories about my trip back to Indiana, a male stripper named Nikko and his jam box, and my Drunkle.

Dan Swartz will be in NYC this weekend! Hopefully he'll invite me to brunch.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO SPOOOOOOOOOOTS THIS WEEEEEEK!!!

Why?

Well! My BFF Veronica is getting married and I am heading to Indiana to be her maid of honor. I have to be there to support her, throw the bachelorette party, and keep the get away car running...just in case. The pic is of me and her...looking like a couple of trannies out on the town

Suprisingly, Fort Wayne Indiana doesn't have much of a comedy "scene"...so I will not be doing stand up until I get back.

BUT NEXT WEEK...

BJ and Stephanie are starting a show! FREE COOKIES and Prizes!

Price:
Zero Dollars
Date:
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Time:
8:00pm - 11:00pm
Location:
Coco 66 www.coco66.com
Street:
66 Greenpoint Av
City/Town:
Brooklyn, NY

This week's lineup...

• Stephanie Holmes (Your Lovely MC, New York Underground Comedy Festival, Bushwickbk.com)
• Hailey Boyle (New York Comedy Festival, Siriu s Radio)
• Bill Chambers (World's Greatest Grandson)
• Ted Greenberg (Emmy Award winning writer for Letterman)
  Rob Cantrell (Last Comic Standing, The Marijuanalogues)

This show will also be a Birthday celebration for me...so you should come! Did I mention it's free?

Go to http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=138918557932&ref=nf to RSVP to the facebook invite.

Thanks!
Stephanie

THIS WEEKEND AND BEYOND!

Ch-ch-ch-eck it!

• FRIDAY 9/18- 8pm MCing at Joe Franklin's (8th Ave at 45th St)
• FRIDAY 9/18- 10pm MCing at The Playwright's Tavern (across the street from J Franks. 8th ave btwn 45th and 46th... 3rd Floor.)
• SATURDAY 9/19- 10pm Joe Franklin's (doing a regular spot!)

SIDE NOTE:
Starting October 1st I will be at Coco66 in Greenpoint BK every Thursday at 8pm. That's right I'm starting up a show with my partner in crime BJ. We're still thinking up a name... let me know if you have any suggestions.

Yo Yo Yo!

I'm currently reading Kathy Griffin's new book. Hopefully, it will teach me how to build my Stephanie Holmes Empire. First step, FINISH ALBUM.

So I won the contest at the Producers Club on Friday...not that you would know, because you weren't there. But there were a lot of people there that thought I was very funny...I won by 95% of the vote and I got a crisp 20 dollar bill. Somebody took a cab home!

Sooooo what does this week have in store?
I will deffinitely be hosting at Joe Franklin's for the 8pm show on Friday... after that everything's still a little tentative. Apparently word hasn't spread about my $20 victory, but it's only a matter of time and after that all the clubs are going to want this little lady.

I am starting a diet this week with the intent of loosing half of my body weight in 7 days! Wish me luck.

AND I have a big scary audition this week that could lead to something awesome. I'm being vague, because I'm a big believer in "jinxing".

I think that I'm going to do the open mic tonight at the Bowery Poetry Club. According to my friend it's a "human freakshow". Was that supposed to detour me?

Standing up

The week's a little slow but things really pick up this weekend...

Friday 9/11- I will be (Let's say it together) MCing at Joe Franklin's at 8pm. 8th Ave at 45th St.
Then at 10:30 I will be performing at The Producer's Club on 44th btwn 8th and 9th. It's a contest and if I win I will get 20 WHOLE DOLLARS! HOLLA

Saturday- I will be at Joe Franklin's for the 8pm and 10pm shows. So check one out and laugh your balls off!

HO SKANKlin's

This Friday I will be MCing at Joe Franklin's on 8th Avenue and 45th St at 8pm! AND...I will be everyweek until further notice. So that means that if you're panicking, freaking out, yelling at the top your lungs "WHERE CAN I SEE STEPHANIE THIS WEEK???!!!!" You will always know that I am hosting the show at Joe Franklin's on Friday at 8pm and sigh the sigh of relief, because you can have your Stephanie fix (and unlike your anti-depressants...you can mix me with alcohol).

Also I will be at Joe Franklin's this Saturday but I don't know what time yet...

That picture of me was taken a few years ago with my friend "The Human Floor". That's how I genuinely smile...you rarely see it in pictures, because it is so freakish.

Ramblings of a straphanger

So I keep getting these brochures from the Bloomberg campaign, and yesterday I got one about "Bloombergs Plan to Improve the MTA". He is aware that he is CURRENTLY the mayor right?
Anyway, his number one plan is to clean up the graffiti. Right...because after I pay $89 to ride the train, it's been delayed half an hour, and there's a man masturbating in front of me all I can think is, "Will someone please do something about this graffiti!"

You know, I read that 60% of women claim to have been sexually assaulted on the train. Including, being fondled, grinded on, and masturbated in front of. When I read that statistic all I could think was "60%! That seems low." All three of those things have happened to me, probably more than 60% of the times I've ridden the train. In fact it's gotten to the point that if it doesn't happen, I don't really feel pretty...

At first the cat callers and subway sexual assualters are hard to get used to when moving to the city, but now I've come to depend on them for my daily source of confidence. I'll catch myself putting on a low cut shirt thinking, "Javier down the block is going to love this little number."