Shemale and her Cod Piece of Justice!

Scene 1
(Opens on a sidewalk scene with people walking. A man in a ski mask enters the stage, grabs an elderly woman’s purse, and runs into the audience.)Elderly woman- Help! My purse! He stole my purse!
(A overly muscular woman in a spandex super hero costume, with a sparkly cod piece on over it runs on to stage and begins to chase the criminal into the audience.)
Man 1- What was that?Man 2- I don’t know…it looks like a woman but…different.
Child- It’s Shemale!
::Theme Song::
(As the theme song plays the crowd watches from on stage as Shemale fights the criminal in the audience. She shoots him with lazer beams that come from her cod piece. She thrusts to make the codpiece shoot.)
She’s a woman with the strength of a male
She’s Shemale!
Never letting evil prevail
She’s Shemale!
She’s an unfortunately named hero
She’s an unfortunately named hero
She’s Shemale!
Man 2- Wait. That chick has a dick?
Scene 2
(The Mayor’s office)
Announcer- And now the continuing adventures of “Shemale”, able to thwart danger with her cod piece of justice!
(Mayor’s Office. Mayor is sitting at his desk. His phone beeps.)
(Mayor presses a button on his phone)
Mayor- Yes?
Secretary- Mayor Hill. Shemale for you.
(The mayor grabs a small mirror, fixes his hair, and then shoves the mirror into his top desk drawer.)
Mayor- Send him in. (presses a button)
(Shemale enters)
Shemale-Mayor, I got here as soon as I could.
Mayor- Oh, I love your eagerness.
Shemale- Thanks Mayor so what can I do for you?
Mayor- Um, we’ll get to that in a minute…but I was wondering first if you could do me a favor, and grab that book off of that shelf…it’s too high for me.
(Shemale walks to the shelf and reaches for the book as the mayor looks her up and down. She hands him the book. And sits down in front of the Mayor’s desk.)
Shemale- You said this was urgent Mayor. What is the emergency?
Mayor- Well it’s Dildore again. He’s on a bank robbing rampage. He’s robbed 7 banks in the last 2 weeks.
Shemale- That’s an average of one bank every two days!
(The Mayor climbs over his desk and brushes Shemales face)
Mayor- Oh brains and brawns. Aren’t you just Mr. Wonderful?
Shemale- What?
(Mayor grabs her bicep)
Mayor- How much can you bench press? I bet you could just lift me up right over your head.
Shemale- Wait a minute. You’re hitting on me AND you think I’m a man?
Mayor- See now that is interesting. You identify as a man…even though you dress as a woman.
Shemale- Mayor, Shemale is just my super hero name because I am a woman with the strength of a man. Haven’t you heard the song?
Mayor- But what about the bulge?
Shemale- This is my cod piece of Justice! It shoots lazer beams and thwarts evil doers. Also, I can store my wallet and keys inside. The standard super hero costume doesn’t’ have pockets.
Mayor- Fab!…But seriously, I’m embarrassed.
Shemale- Don’t worry Mayor, I’ll still catch Dildore!
Mayor- Well I’m mostly worried about this getting out, I mean people don’t really react well when they find out that there mayor is into lady men. (Grabs Shemale’s cod piece)
(Shemale pushes him arms length away)
Shemale- Your secret is safe with me.
(Intercom beeps. Mayor presses button.)
Secretary- Mayor Dildore is striking again at the Megatropolis Bank right now!
Shemale- Don’t worry Mayor I won’t let you down!
(Shemale runs out the door)
Mayor- Get him Shemale! Crush him in your big strong man hands!
Secretary- Mayor I’m still here…
(Mayor presses release button on the phone)
Scene 3
Announcer- Meanwhile at the Megatropolis Bank.
(Dildore paces the floor with a large shot gun as his evil henchmen unload the safe. The bank tellers and customers are all laying on their stomachs on the floor as Dildore walks all around them).
Dildore- Muhahaha! After I rob every bank in this city I’ll own you all! Nothing is going to thwart me! Muhahaha!
(Shemale kicks down the front door and enters the bank)
Shemale- Prepare to be thwarted!
Dildore- I’ve been expecting you Shemale!
(He shoots at Shemale but she dodges the bullet and begins to shoot lazers out of her cod piece. When she shoots she makes a thrusting motion.)
(Dildore hits the ground and dodges her lazers).
Dildore- Damn you Shemale! Henchmen attack!
(They begin to fight and at first Shemale is winning but there are just too many and they over power her. They chain her to a beam in the center of the bank.)
Shemale- You’ll never get away with this Dildore!
Dildore- It looks like I already am! Muhahaha!
Scene 4
Commercial
Woman 1- I hate carrying around this heavy purse.
Woman 2- I hate having to keep track of my purse and make sure it doesn’t get stolen.
Announcer- Don’t you wish there was a more convenient and safe way to carry your belongings?
Women- Yes please help!
Announcer- Well now you can own your very own cod piece!
Woman 1- Cod pieces? Aren’t those for men?!
Announcer- There was a time when it wasn’t proper for women to wear pants either! Cod pieces are a perfect way to carry your personal belongings while remaining functional and fashionable! They come in a wide variety of colors so you can mix and match with outfits. (Flashes through models showing off different colors with different styles. Business, casual, club, ect.)
Woman 2- Sounds great!
Announcer- And for those ladies that want to also make a statement, we’re introducing a new line of worded cod pieces. (Shows models with cod pieces that say “juicy” and “M.I.L.F.”).
(Women 1 and 2 now standing wearing their cod pieces)
Women- Thanks!
Announcer- You’re welcome! And remember Cod pieces, even gayer than the fanny pack!

Scene 5
Announcer- We now return to the Megatropolis bank where Shemale is in peril!
(The henchmen are just finishing unloading the safe. As Dildore paces the floor with his gun. Shemale is struggling to break the chains.)
Dildore- Once we’ve finished clearing out this safe…we’re going to finish you Shemale!
Shemale- Why are you so evil?!?!
Dildore- Why? Why?! Do you know what it’s like to grow up with the name Dildore? Just imagine me, little Dildore Goldstein at recess. Imagine the jokes?!
Shemale- How do you think I feel?! I was named by a shadowy society of super heros. Shemale! And to make things worse I have to wear this cod piece that makes it look even more like I have a penis.
Dildore- Wait you don’t have a penis? (looks over at a henchmen) Hey Larry I owe you $50!
Shemale- Seriously…has no one heard my theme song?!
Dildore-So join me Shemale! Together we can show all those people that though our names are…
Shemale- Unfortunate?
Dildore- Exactly! Though are names are unfortunate we shall not be taken lightly!!!
(Shemale flexes her muscles and breaks her chains. Walks over to Dildore and shakes his hand.)
Shemale- Let’s join, but not to control the city! Let’s dedicate our lives and powers to combat anyone that wants to name their child something stupid.
Dildore- Yes! Wherever there are parents looking under the X section in a baby name book we will be there!
Shemale- Wherever parents are considering names from Star Wars...
Dildore- Or a comic book…
Shemale- Or a poem they once read…
Shemale- And especially if someone has a name with any sort of sexual conatation we will be there to protect them from the bullies.
Dildore- And the critics.
Shemale- And the overly grab handy mayors.
Dildore- What?
Shemale- Never mind. We’ll be there?
Dildore- We’ll be there!
(They begin to walk out)
Henchmen- Hey what about us?
Shemale- Oh! I’m sorry. (She slow motion murders them all with her lazer cod piece, laughing meniachly as she thrusts bullets).
Announcer- Join us next week as Shemale and her side kick Dildore fight the evil Gwenyth Paltrow!