Trilogy

(A wedding reception. Glasses start to clink and a drunk bridesmaid stands up.)
Brides Maid.- So congratulations Tom and Kathy! Um, as some of you probably know I am Kathy’s oldest friend and I remember when we used to dream about our wedding’s as little girls. And now here you are! Yeah, we were super close when we were kids, super close. We had slumber parties, and gave each other makeovers and sometimes…you remember Kathy…we would practice kissing. We would. We would. So Tom next time you are kissing those soft, delicate, supple lips…just remember I was there first! And….(She gets pushed out of the way by a middle aged woman wedding guest.)

Woman- Well, when I got the invitation for Tom and Kathy’s wedding I just couldn’t believe it! It said right there September 26th and I just knew I already had plans that day. So I looked at my planner and it turns out that I didn’t. So I wrote it down, and here I am! You know this morning when I woke up I just had a horrible stomach ache and I could not get out of bed but then I said to myself, no I must get to that wedding. So I hopped in my car, and oh my god don’t even get me started on the traffic…(Pushed out of the way by a drunk older gentleman.)

Man- Hi everyone I am Kathy’s dad. Well honey, this might be an inappropriate time to tell you that you are adopted but I was just talking to Tom’s mom and there’s like a 90 percent chance that you two are brother and sister.